“I didn’t really get anything out of the meeting.”
If you run a network, you’ve probably heard a version of this. Maybe not directly. Maybe just as a quiet hum, when a member has skipped the last three events.
It’s tempting to put the blame on the member. “You get out what you put in.” Classic. It’s true. But it’s also a little too easy.
The truth is, most members show up unprepared. Not because they don’t care. They simply have no clear idea of what “preparing” actually means when you’re going to a networking meeting. And if no one has shown them, where would they have learned it?
That’s where you come in. As a facilitator, you have more dials to turn than most people realise – and a lot of them work before the members have even walked through the door.
I’ve gathered what I’ve seen work across the networks I work with into three phases: before, during, and after the meeting.
Before the meeting: Get their head in the game before the drive
This is the most overlooked part of a good networking meeting. And at the same time, the part where you, as a facilitator, can move the needle the most.
In her book The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker calls this “priming”. The point is simple: the meeting doesn’t start when people sit down. It starts the moment your member sees the invitation and begins thinking about the meeting.
That’s the window you have to do something with.
If you send an invitation that just says “Don’t forget the meeting Wednesday at 9, coffee will be ready” – that window has passed. Your member shows up and only starts thinking about what they want out of the day once they’re in the middle of it. Maybe never.
What you can do, concretely
1. Send a short warm-up 2-3 days before the meeting. Not homework. A few questions they can chew on during the drive:
- What have you been working on lately where you could use a fresh pair of eyes?
- Who from the last meeting did you want to follow up with?
- Is there a challenge in your day-to-day that you suspect others in the group have already solved?
2. Tailor the warm-up to what your network actually is. A knowledge-driven network should be encouraged to bring something to share and something to learn. A relationship-driven network should be reminded who they want to talk to, and what they themselves can contribute. A sales-oriented network should be specific about who they’re looking for and who they can help that evening.
3. Remind them they’re allowed to show up without all the answers. The strongest conversations happen when someone dares to say “I’m stuck on this, what would you do?” If your members think they have to show up polished, you’ll get polished conversations. Usually not the most interesting ones.
The point isn’t to give your members assignments. It’s to give them permission to show up with intent.
During the meeting: Make space for something real to happen
The worst thing that can happen at a networking meeting is people talking about the weather for 45 minutes and going home again.
The second worst is the same three people dominating the conversation while everyone else stares into their coffee.
You don’t have to control everything. Just get a few of the right moves in.
What you can do, concretely
1. Set the frame in the opening (2 minutes). Say out loud what the meeting is about today, and what you hope people leave with. Sounds basic. It isn’t. Most meetings jump straight into the agenda and skip the simple act of reminding people why they’re here.
2. Break the standard introduction round. If every round starts with “name, title, company”, you’ll get the same answers every time. Swap it out now and then with something like:
- “What are you working on right now where you’d love another perspective?”
- “What have you become wiser about since last time?”
- “Who are you hoping to meet today?”
It moves the conversation from elevator pitch to actual sparring.
3. Notice who isn’t saying anything. It’s rarely because they have nothing to say. More often it’s because they haven’t been given the room. A quiet “what do you think, [name]?” at the right moment pulls a whole new angle into the conversation – and reminds that person they’re seen.
4. Don’t leave the break entirely “free”. It’s tempting to let people network unstructured during breaks. But “free” networking usually means the same people talk to the same people every time. A small move – like pairing people up two and two for 10 minutes with a specific question to ask each other – moves more than an hour of loose chatter.
It’s not about controlling the meeting. It’s about creating the conditions where something real can happen, without leaving it to chance.
After the meeting: Help the relationships survive everyday life
This is where most networking meetings die.
A member has a great conversation Tuesday morning. By Wednesday afternoon it’s forgotten because the inbox has taken over. By Friday they can’t remember the name of the person they actually wanted to reach out to.
It’s not that the members don’t care. It’s that the friction of everyday life is higher than the intention from the meeting.
What you can do, concretely
1. Send a short recap within 24 hours. Not a 14-page summary. Just 3-5 lines about what was discussed, and maybe who was looking for what. It gives people a concrete reason to follow up.
2. Make it easy for members to find each other again. If your members have to dig through three layers to find a phone number for someone they met yesterday, it’ll never happen. Make sure contact details and profiles live in one place that’s easy to get to.
3. Follow up on what was raised. If a member mentioned a challenge and two others offered to help – check in a week later. Did it actually happen? If yes, great. If no, you might be the missing link. That kind of care is what separates a network from a mailing list.
4. Bring something forward to the next meeting. “Last time we talked about this, has anyone thought further about it?” It’s a small gesture, but it signals that what your members said last time was actually heard. It’s one of the strongest ways to get members to bring more to the table next time.
Your most valuable members are the ones who know why they’re there
If I had to boil it all down to one thing, it would be this:
A member who shows up without a purpose, goes home without value. A member who shows up with even the smallest purpose – something to share, something to ask, someone they want to talk to – goes home richer. Every time.
It’s not your job to find the purpose for them. But it is your job to give them the chance to find it themselves before they show up.
Most members don’t realise that’s what’s missing. They think they just have to “be there”. That’s where you have a role they can’t fill on their own.
Want to make it easier for your members to show up prepared? We’ve built a small free tool that generates a one-pager for them. You pick whether your network is knowledge-, relationship-, or sales-driven, and your members get three concrete areas to think through before the next meeting. You can build your own one-pager here: samli.io/da/free-tools/networking-one-pager